Untitled

[ website | changing reflections ]

[ update | 4.o6 playN: all I want ]

>|<

[25 Apr 2003|12:20am]

friends

Not a story this time...

No more storiess!! haha Meeh'z juz bloggin.. I had sooo much funn in Frisko. I hella didn't want to leave. Much love and props 2 Alvi and Krissy. I LOVE YOU GUYS MUCHOZ! =P Thank you soooo much for spending time with me. It really meant a lot. You guys made my springbreak worthwhile. Shout out to Joahna too..such a kewl chica! =)

Let's see... what did I do? I went to all the malls! haha Went to downtown.. Stonestown.. Tanfo.. Hillsdale and OF COURSE SERRAMONTE!!! Alvi, Krissy and I went to the carnival in Daly City. Was it Weslake? Not sure. WE HAD HELLA FUN. We went on the Energy Storm (I think). Janna screamed hella much! LOL Then yeah, after that.. Krissy and I went back to Serramonte. She gave me a 14k gold anklet!!! CrAzY GirL!!! I still don't know why! She said " Just for being you.." Just for the being krazy ole me?!? Didn't think I'd get anything for that! haha ( THANK YOU SOO MUCH KRISSY.. YOU KNOW YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO! I DIDN'T DESERVE TO GET ANYTHING FROM YOU. SERIOUSLY! )

The next day was Easter Sunday.. As always, there was a family gathering at my Tita's house. I left at around 2:00 to go to Alvi's. Right when I got there, I asked her if I could watch TV! haha (heyyy... the Lakers were playin!!haha) They won by a million pointz. lol Then yeah..after the game, we went to Century Theaters. We saw Chicago and Anger Management. I thought both were really good! "I feel preTTy.. oh so preTTy.. and wiTTy and bright!" THAT SCENE WAS HILARIOUS! hahaha After that, Alvi and I went back to her house. We had a "heart to heart" conversation. hahaha I told her hellla stuff.. I told her everything! lol She's the type of person I can tell anything to.. She knows me pretty well to the point where nothing surprises her anymore! LOL ..."OMG Alvi, I'm pregnant!... "Oh well.. that's the Diana I know!" hhahha just kiddin! lol

What else happened?!?! oOoOo mannn.. the picture!!!! I LEFT IT WITH KRISSY! KRISSYYYY.. if you're readin this.. pleaseeeeee send ittttt. Like I said, I wanna get it blown up, lamenated and framed!!! hahahahha

Well yeah.. I better go now. MuCh Luv and respect to all my friends! AVCDE A 4 Alvi V 4 Vee C 4 Cassie D 4 Diana E 4 Kriss-E? LOLZ mWaH!

"Everyone falls in love sometimes
Sometimes it's wrong, sometimes it's right
For every win, someone must fail
But there comes a point when you will exhale
Sometimes you laugh, sometimes you cry
Life never tells us the when's or why's
But when you've got friends to wish you well
You find a point when you will exhale."

always,

Diana

>|<

[30 Mar 2003|04:14pm]

helplessly captivated

No Longer Mine

He's looking around, his eyes wandering around the place. He has the most captivating eyes I've ever seen. Just a quick glance can easily throw me into a loop, making me forget everything I've ever known and wish to know. His stare is so powerful that, at times, I dare not meet his eyes when they look into mine.

The crowd parts and now I see him in full view. Has the crowd really parted or does it only seem that they have disappeared? I cannot discern the difference for my eyes are solely fixed on him. Maybe everyone is just as awestruck as I am that they have put their own lives on hold to watch this radiatingly beautiful individual stride across the room.

What a vision, indeed! I observe his lips slowly part as he begins to smile. Has heaven suddenly sent its angels down on Earth to bless this very moment? Is it just my imagination or has the sun shone its bright rays upon his glowing smile?

God, why has this perfect man been made? He's irritatingly charming.. frustratingly irresistible!

He inches his way closer and closer as my chest feels more and more constricted. I feel my heart dance and jump around. I hear nothing but incoherent sounds and noises of people talking. This almost feels like a typical romantic scene straight out of a Julia Roberts movie. The only thing missing is a sappy love song playing in the background. But this is real. He's looking at me. I'm looking at him. And though the room is packed with people hustling back and forth, it seems that we are alone in a peaceful paradise.

He stops right in front of me, so close that I can almost feel the warmth of his breath. As he leans in for a kiss, I feel a shot of electricity bolt throughout my body. His lips meet mine. I feel my feet elevate from the ground, rendering me floating in the company of white, fluffy clouds.

"Baby, I'm sorry. How long have you been waiting for me?" I cannot manage to utter a single word as I am under an unbreakable spell. I don't know how long I've been waiting for him. At this point, I don't even care. I lost track of time.. I lost track of my senses.. I lost track of my heart. Last time I checked, it was still in my possession. But now, it belongs to him. My heart is no longer mine.

"Lying here with you, listening to the rain
Smiling just to see the smile upon your face
These are the moments I thank God that I'm alive
These are the moments I'll remember all my life
Looking in your eyes, seeing all I need
Everything you are is everything to me
These are the moments I know heaven must exist
These are the moments I know all I need is this
I found all I've waited for..
and I could not ask for more."

always,

Diana

>|<

[18 Feb 2003|06:11pm]

withering rose

Too Late

My heart is beating fast. This is it, I keep thinking to myself. I must do this right here, right now. Small beads of sweat trickle down my forehead as my hands start to fidget. God I wish it wasn't this hard. I try to gasp for air, hoping it will calm me down. But nothing seems to work. As seconds turn into minutes, I grow more and more anxious. Waiting is such a torture. Time drags as if I were in my Geometry class on a Monday afternoon.

Suddenly I hear a creaking sound. I turn around and see the door slowly open. "This is it", I whisper to myself. He enters the door and with a smile says,"I'm sorry...blah blah blah.." I can't make out of what he is saying. Everything just seemed to have stopped the moment he walked through the door. He looks strikingly cute in a baby blue flannel shirt and loose dark denim pants. "Uhhh.. are you okay? Helloo?" he asks as he takes my hand. Oh God, how long have I been staring at him? How stupid did I look? "Oh, yeah. I'm okay. Sorry." Suddenly my cheeks feel warm. I know I must be blushing. "You wanted to talk to me about something right?" I try to gather myself together as I say,"Huh? OH YEAH. That. Yeah, I have something to tell you."

He chuckles as he asks me if I'm okay. " What's wrong? Girl, are you on crack?" We both laugh. He gently nudges my arm as a way of letting me know that he was kidding. Gosh, why does he have to be this charming? And why do I have to be so stupid and vulnerable in falling for everything that he does? Once again, my mind drifts off and thoughts of him run through my mind.

"Soooo.. you wanted to talk to me about something?"he asks. I look at him and I can tell that he's becoming impatient. It's not obvious but I know him so well. I can tell when he's trying to conceal an emotion because he's never been good at hiding his feelings. His soulful eyes reveal hidden secrets and uncover unexpressed emotions.

"Yeah. I do. Hmmmm.." I take his hands as I realize that I have totally forgotten the lines that I memorized the night before. I wrote them down and even practiced how I planned to say them, but now, I cannot remember a single word. Disaster.

"Uh! Whatever. I'll just say it anyway," I blurt out. I can't believe I said that out loud! He intently looks at me and I can tell that he is quite concerned as he asks, "What's the matter?"

"Last month, remember that conversation we had? When you said that you know... well you know what I'm talking about, right?" I ask. He nods in agreement. I continue, "Well, I've been meaning to tell you something. I think now I'm ready to tell you that..."

The door suddenly opens and a girl, looking quite lost, comes in. "Oh sorry. Am I interrupting?" He looks at her and says, "Well kinda. But come in anyway. I'd like to introduce you to someone. She's not that important but I guess I should introduce her to you anyway since you're here." He winks at me. Awww too cute.

She cracks a smile and shyly says, "Hi." He pulls her close to him and introduces her to me," I'd like you to meet Larissa, my girlfriend. I wanted to tell you earlier but it seemed like you had something much more important to say. So do you want to tell me now?"

I freeze. My mind cannot digest the information that I just received. Girlfriend? What?! A girl that's a friend? Or a REAL girlfriend? My heart is in denial. Didn't he say that he liked me? Didn't he say that he was willing to wait for me? Didn't he say that he would give me time to think it through? Didn't he say...

My mind starts to spin in confusion. My heart feels like it had just dropped to the ground where it is being crushed and stomped on. I feel every part of my body weaken as I find it hard to move. "Girlfriend.." The word keeps echoing in my head like a bad played-out song. Her presence is just too much for me to handle. I excuse myself and rush out the door. I know it seems quite obvious that I am hurt and bothered by what just happened. But it would have been more obvious if I had stayed there and started crying.

He comes out and calls my name. I don't look back as I try to fight back the tears. I don't want him to realize how hurt I am. He doesn't know how much I like him and I definitely don't want him to see me crying.

I walk with a fast pace, almost running. I can no longer hear his voice as the sound of my sobs have drowned it out. I stop as I realize how weak I am. I am running away from a situation that I should have confronted. But what can I do? He is my only weakness. And now that weakness is revealed. How can I smile and not care when I just found out that I am too late in making him realize that I am and have always been in love with him?

"I'm all out of love, so lost without you
I know you were right, believing for so long
I'm all out of love. What am I without you?
It can't be too late to say that I was so wrong."

always,

Diana

>|<

[10 Jan 2003|08:24pm]

regret

"I'm sorry"

As I looked down on the floor, my mind suddenly went blank. I felt like all the world's burden fell on my back and suddenly, I found it hard to stand up straight. Slowly, my eyes welled up with tears and I felt a force tightening my chest. I didn't know what to do. I tried to muster enough control to say, "I'm sorry."

I took his hand and looked deep into his eyes. Both of us knew what was happening and there was nothing any of us could do about it. We attempted to make the relationship work and although we both tried to deny it, we knew it wasn't working out. I couldn't admit the fact that someone I loved so much was slipping away from me. I couldn't accept the heartache that I knew could have been prevented. I hated the fact that I was the one who brought up the topic and suggested to end the relationship. God knows I didn't want to. That was the last thing I wanted to do but I knew it was the right decision.

I tightly clenched my fist as tears uncontrollably fell from my eyes.I wanted to hold him close and tell him that he was the best thing that ever happened to me. But it seemed like he just wanted to be alone. I saw the pain in his eyes and the fact that I caused it hurt more than anything in the world. How could I hurt someone I loved so much? How could I say goodbye to someone I couldn't live without?

I felt my nerves tremble as I opened my mouth to say something that would hopefully lighten the situation."I...you know it's..I just can't.."

I struggled for words to say. I knew there was nothing I could do to make things better. I could only make it worse. The realization that my life would never be the same again hit me like a hot bolt of lighting. I never wanted it to end that way. I never wanted it to end AT ALL. Even if we decided to stay friends, it would never be the same.. never. And I was the one who caused this to happen. I did.

The guilt combined with regret overwhelmed me. What made it worse was that he wasn't saying anything. He seemed to be in a state of disbelief. I heared sobs but he didn't utter a single word. At that moment, I wanted to disappear and turn back the hands of time. I couldn't bear the heaviness of the situation. I had to release my anguish. I started to break down and repeatedly expressed my apology. "I'm so sorry... I didn't mean to..I'm sorry.."

With tears in his eyes, he held up my chin and said "Don't be sorry. It's not your fault. Rejection is not what's making me sad. I can take that. I'm mad because I wasted my opportunity to make you happy. I'm frustrated because I didn't make it last like I promised I would. I hate myself because I failed to show you just how you mean to me. I'm sad because I didn't make you feel the love that I strongly feel for you. I had a chance. And I blew it. And now I'll have to live with the fact that I let the most wonderful girl slip away."

He softly kissed my cheek and whispered,"I'm sorry."

I was lost for words to say as he turned around and walked away.

"How can I just let you walk away?
Let you leave without a trace?
When I stand here taking every breath with you..
You're the only one who really knew me at all.
I wish I could make you turn around
Turn around and see me cry
There's so much I need to say to you
So many reasons why.
Take a look at me now.
There's just an empty space
If you coming back to me
is against all odds,
That's the chance I've got to take."

always,

Diana